Tay Yu Ting

Just when I made a choice and am ready to face whatever’s gonna happened, you made a decision to stay as what we are right now.

I am reluctant to because I thought we could at least try out a little longer. However, I’ll unds and just go on. After all, this is what choose and should have no regrets.

I’m really shocked and happy to receive this bunny from you.

Still, your replies to my questions still hurt me. You are not stable enough. When I receive this bunny, I felt that I owe you something. But you told me its just a way to show your appreciation, then so be it.

I’ll just do whatever I want from now on.

It was too much of an expectation to expect to see you after work.

It isn’t that you can’t do much but I would expect you to be here. What I need isn’t all the reminders to take care of myself etc.

I want you to be physically here because my imaginations run wild when I’m sick. I become super weak when I’m sick. I would want to rely on someone when I’m sick. I need someone here to hug me and listen to all my whines.

But you are not here because you are not feeling well as well.

I need to wake up. I need to be independent once again. I hate the feeling of relying on people and not seeing that person anywhere near me. You need to be out of most inner world before I get to use to it.

Everyone will leave one day. When the fucking hell will I know this fucking fact?!

Last year this period of time I’m sad over him. This year, its another him for the reason I’m sad.

Once again, proven right. It was all wrong, my thoughts were wrong. Heart aching like crazy and I feel the whole fucking pain.

是我想太多，你就这样说
但你却没有，真的心疼我

Need to think and decide ASAP )’:

Your reaction is different from the rest for J’s return as well as I might be losing someone when someone returns or appear in my life.

I’m really doubting if I am actually that important to you. And slowly concluding that everything is just a bubble you live in. You are just dragging me in for accompanyment.

Right now at this timing, I’m feeling all alone and lost. I just feel like crying all my emotions now. My heart have been aching too badly and I can’t do anything at all.

From the way J spoke, its not simple. Its as bad as it concerns life.

I know I should be there for him. I want to, really want to. But, how am I supposed to be there when we have both crossed the line. And now he’s telling me all he wants is to enjoy life, be happy? Wasn’t he the one who say he wanna protect me? But why is he hurting me?

I’m feeling so hurt and helpless.

I’m no longer as nobel as before and I can no longer just care for others and not caring for myself. What if I get hurt even more by not protecting myself? Even if I want to be the guardian angel protecting him, I can’t pass the stage of myself.

’ Once bitten, twice shy ‘

Am I right to say even if I’m not there for him, there will still be others? Like as least now K and him is getting better, K will at least take care of him ya?

After finally letting someone into my life and trusting everything he say, I’m once again proven wrong.

Why is everyone proving to me that I’m dumb and naïve? Why?!

I seriously never learn. Never ever learn my freaking lessons. Again and again, history repeats. YT you need to fucking wake up your fucking idea that there’s good people out there and need to fucking know that there is no fairytale in this reality world. No knights in armour. No such fucking stuff!

I just wanna cry myself to sleep now and waking up knowing its just all a nightmare. I want everything back as before. I want to be back as a tough girl who never lets anyone enter her life.

At least this way, I don’t have to be afraid of getting hurt and people leaving. Better to be a lonely soul who yearn for someone to trust than to worry people leaving or hurting me.

That whole episode of incident is all I think about on daily basis.